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by landrews



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst and Humor, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-03
Updated: 2013-11-03
Packaged: 2017-12-31 10:18:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1030530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/landrews/pseuds/landrews
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean starts a journal for Ben to read someday.</p>
            </blockquote>





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**Author's Note:**

> Set through 6.02 - tense change is intended.
> 
> A/N: Written for November 2010 for Last Author Standing for prompt: Write a First person POV

 

 

Lisa says I'm earthbound and, in at least one way, I guess she's right. For most of my life, I've been bound by dirt. Graveyard dirt. Crossroads dirt. The dirt of every single little town we've rolled through. I bet I've landed in the dirt more times already than a pro-football player does over his entire lifetime. I've rolled in more dirt than any mud-wrestler ever has, by the time you count every fall, every practice, every fight, every time I've rolled out of the way of claws or bullets or fangs. 

The point is, I'm not going anywhere for a long while. To prove it to you- and to myself- I'm starting this journal. Sam's kept one for several years now, separate from Dad's, though we both filled in some of his blanks, and added stuff to his entries when we learned something new or found out something didn't work quite the way he had it written.

That's the thing you have to remember, Ben, stuff always changes on you. So do people and things that go bump in the night. Everybody and everything changes over time. Except Death. I'm thinking he doesn't ever really change. And he has really excellent taste in pizza parlors. But I'm getting ahead of myself. I'll tell you more about him later. 

Later means, y'know, later. Hopefully, you'll know most of my story by then, and most of the things contained in this journal won't be such a surprise for you. Hopefully, right now, while you're reading this for the first time, I'm off on a beer run for the Saturday afternoon football we're going to watch together. Hopefully, you're college educated, and bump-in-the-night educated, and that gun you were so interested in a few days ago was the first of three or four you call companion. I just don't want you learning that lesson too young, Ben.

I hope to God, though he's a bastard (more on that later), that you're not eighteen and pulling this out of a safety deposit box somewhere. If you are, though, find Sam or Bobby Singer (at Singer Salvage in Sioux Falls) and tell them you need to learn a few things, like your way around a gun.

Who am I kidding? Lisa probably had you down to the range as soon as I left. Your Mom's smart. Listen to her.

Anyway. Shit, I've already messed up this first page, haven't I? I don't want to rip it out, though. Dad's ripped out pages drove us crazy, me and Sam. We always think there must've been something important on them that we might really need. And after Adam showed up, well, not really Adam, but... more about that later. 

I had a half-brother named Adam. He was a page Dad tore out of the journal. After that, we really did think every torn out page might be hiding another family secret or some cure we might really, really need.

Shit. I guess Chuck was right, writing's really hard. Chuck. Chuck was a ... friend. I'll tell you more about him. Later. I really hope you know all this already. You do, though, right? Because although I'm not living with you right now, I'm not going anywhere. I'm earthbound, right? Covered in the dirt of all fifty states, and the grease of the Impala. I guess she's a real collector's item now. 

Sorry I'm screwing this all up, kid. On the next page, I'll just start at the beginning and go from there. I just want you to know I loved you, Ben. I really did.

 

 


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